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Story 19: Somewhat Transparent Loneliness

“…Are you still awake? Your Royal Highness must have been quite taken with the sea.”

Lilia smiles a little.

I’m not allowed to express my likes and dislikes too strongly in public, but I’m also not forbidden to do so.

It’s just that I don’t want to be taken advantage of.

I don’t think anyone would be disadvantaged by me professing to like the ocean, and even if I did, I can’t think of how they would use it…

The point is that I should just be careful, and well, if it’s a bad idea, Nigel-sama and Lilia can stop it, I’ve decided.

“Yes, very much.”

The sea at night, reflecting the light of the light of the moon, never gets old, no matter how long I look at it.

I don’t feel it so much when my feet are on the floor, but my bed is swaying with the waves. The regularity of the gentle swaying of the waves makes me feel very comfortable, and I feel relaxed in body and mind.

I’m probably getting real alpha waves right now.

I’m feeling as flustered as if I’d been given a slightly thicker apple wine. I felt relaxed and at ease.

“I’m not from a port town, so I don’t have any special ties, which is unusual.”


I nodded that, but in my heart I muttered, “No.”

…Maya was born in a port town.

Before I became the person I am today…when I was called by another name—I was born in a small fishing town in the north country where the short summers were so beautiful. Although I have lost most of my ties to the town since the death of my parents, that town was my home.

Many memories and thoughts come and go in my mind.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to let them drift away.

Trying to calm my mind, I take a few silent breaths.

“…Your Highness? Is something wrong?”

Maybe I had been silent for quite a while.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Lilia looking into my face with concern.

“…It’s nothing…I just felt like I could remember something a little bit.”

It wasn’t a lost memory that I remembered though, it was one that was much earlier than that.

“…Your Royal Highness…”

Lilia’s expression becomes painful.

“No, don’t make that face. It’s not like that at all…I was just feeling a little sentimental.”

This is a loneliness akin to sorrow, but it’s not negative…never a negative emotion.

I smile, swallowing the somewhat transparent loneliness.

It must be a very beautiful smile. I thought of Nigel-sama.

If Nigel-sama were here, I’m sure I would have embraced him to fill this loneliness.

“I just wanted to meet His Majesty…Nigel-sama for a little while.

I tell her softly, as if to confess.

Lilia blinked a few times, a little surprised, and then laughed.

“…Around Altera, we will return to the Royal Capital when we have closure. He’ll see you soon.”


“Now, please go to sleep.”

I nod and lie down on my bunk as Lilia urges me to.

The swaying waves of the ocean lure me in, and soon my consciousness sinks to the depths of sleep.

A transparent loneliness filled my mind as I fell asleep, but when I thought of Nigel-sama, the loneliness seemed to lessen.



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